Sometimes, it's all I can do to stay out of bed before 8 pm.
It's like my body is drawn to the bed.
So tired, mentally and physically exhausted, pained, eyelids scratchy and closing before their time.
Heart aching. Feeling heavy in my chest under my ribs. I can't breathe, I think to myself. I can't breathe deeply, or fully, only short, shallow breaths. I panic quietly, sweat appearing above my eyebrows.
"This must be what a heart attack feels like," I think, knowing that it's a panic attack, knowing that it will pass soon. I close my eyes tightly as the room starts to sway.
I feel like everyone around me can hear my heart beating hard against the walls of my chest.
I attempt to breathe again. It's slightly easier. I try to ground myself with everything I learned in therapy.
5 things you can see.....
4 things you can hear....
3 things you can touch....
And then... it's over.
Until next time.